How do I know which divorce option is right for me

Here is a comparison:



  • Completely private.
  • No court appearances necessary.


  • Focused on best outcome for the family as a whole.
  • Focused on setting a foundation for a healthy future, specifically for children.
  • Focused on developing effective communication skills.
  • Generates the best options for raising children together in the future.


  • Treats each family as unique. Different emotions, different needs, different situation.
  • Various experts are involved to help the couple make decisions about each aspect of the divorce.
  • Considers more than just the legal side—but also the emotional, spiritual, and relational facets of a divorce.
  • The collaborative process incorporates family and relational experts to help manage emotions that may interfere with the decision-making process.
  • Completing the necessary legal steps and paperwork to finalize your divorce. 



  • Can be private.
  • Court appearance may be necessary.


  • A mediator's job is to help facilitate a conversation between you and your spouse.  
  • The focus is on reaching agreement through a neutral party helping to generate options.
  • In mediation you may not have a legal expert/advocate to assist you.


  • Mediators are Neutral parties and can NOT advise you on your legal rights.
  • Mediation is a two-step process which doesn’t in and of itself get you divorced.  You still have to draft and file the legal paperwork necessary to formally get your marriage dissolved.



  • NOT Private.
  • Court dates and appearances necessary.  
  • Litigation is by far the MOST EXPENSIVE divorce option!


  • Litigation involves many formal steps in service to the court's less efficient bureaucratic system. 
  •  In litigation the court will strongly encourage you and your spouse to reach a settlement or agreement on all of the issues by making you participate in financial and parenting meetings designed to help you settle all issues in your divorce, like a forced mediation.
  •  Almost all litigation divorce cases settle before you have a trial date.


  • Litigation is entrenched in the ADVERSARIAL process that produces winners and losers.
  • You or your lawyer will be forced to jump through expensive and exhausting administrative procedures/steps. 
  • The process pushes for settlement.  However, if an agreement can not be reached you will present your case before a judge to have them determine the outcome.

Why do you recommend Collaborative over something else?

In the Collaborative Process, which is the process Kemi recommends for most families, every family is unique and deserving of a process and solution uniquely tailored to their needs. The Collaborative process keeps the focus on best outcomes for your family during and after the divorce.

The goal of the Collaborative process is to help couples arrive at an outcome that sets the foundation for a healthy future. This is accomplished by having expert help available to assist couples in each aspect of the process.

Divorce is usually thought of as a legal process: couples hire lawyers, maybe go to court, and come out with some paperwork that officially ends the marriage in the eyes of the law (even though couples with children know the parenting relationship will continue). We understand that separation or divorce is much more than just a legal process. It is an emotional, spiritual, and financial journey that includes a legal event which is only one step along the way. Just as marriage is much more than a “piece of paper,” the process of divorce is far more than simply “signing the final agreement.”

The Collaborative divorce process helps families identify and manage all aspects of the divorce process by:

  • Dealing with emotions that may interfere with making good decisions.
  • Developing effective communication skills.
  • Addressing immediate financial needs as well as planning for the future.
  • Generating the best options for raising children together in the future.
  • Completing the necessary legal steps and paperwork.


Still feel lost? Scroll down.

A separation can leave you feeling lost and confused. Many people have the same questions that you are asking yourself at this very moment. Below are some of the most common ones. Click here to see all of the questions.